Congratulations

From: [Customer]
Sent: 03 August 2010 15:30
To: Service Desk
Subject: printer not working

Hi

The printer at my desk is not working

[Customer]

Shhh, I'm a pirate. Arrrr.

Customer: Hi, I was looking to use [software package] but it costs a lot of money to buy so I found a pirated version online that I wanted to download but the University's filter blocks it, can you unblock it for me so I can download it?
Me: Uhhh... no, the filter blocks it because it's illegal to download pirated software. We can't unblock it for you to do that.
Customer: Well, can you download it for me so I can use it?
Me: No, I won't do that because it's illegal.
Customer: But I'll only need to use it for half an hour and then I'll delete it, it's not like I'm gonna call the cops on you
Me: Well even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to because I have the same restrictions that you do, so no, I can't download it.
Customer: Right...ok...bye.

Ha ha

 This is what happens when people look at something new and think "oooooh shiny" and it blinds them to the point that they don't read any instructions or warnings when installing:

From: [Customer] 
Sent: 06 July 2010 14:37 
To: Service Desk 
Subject: Windows 7 
Importance: High

Dear Staff,

Yesterday I borrowd a Windows 7 disc and installed it on my new personal laptop.  Unfortunately, this apears to have deleted all my original manufacturer's installed programmes, as well as my home internet settings and Mcaffee which I installed immediately after following the manufacturer's start-up instructions.  At that time everything was fine.  when I try to use Windows 7 it does not recognise my word or pdf files (I copied a few over via pen stick).  I have no idea how to rectify this problem and the deletions mena that I have no information regarding how to contact the manufacturer. 

I need this laptop to complete a project  and I'm now getting behind.  Pleas can you help? 

Best wishes,

[Customer]

Ello ello

Customer: Hi, I just called up five minutes ago and spoke to someone from IT and got my email password reset but I've tried it and it doesn't work. I've been having problems with it for a couple of weeks now and it's getting very frustrating.
Me: Ok, can I have your User ID please?
Customer: Oh..yeah..sure.. Hang on a second *sound of phone being dropped*
Customer: I just dropped the phone.. hi?
Me: Hi
Customer: Hi
Me: Hello? Do you have your- *customer talks over me*
Customer: Hi, sorry I just dropped the phone. I just called up five minutes ago and spoke to someone from IT and got my email password reset but I've tried it and it doesn't work. I've been having problems with it for a couple of weeks now and it's getting very frustrating.
Me: Ok, do you have your User ID?

I eventually got her User ID and checked her password, there were no problems with it at all, I guess in all of her frustration she must have been hitting the wrong keys. I don't hold high hopes for her.

Guess

The following is a typical email that we receive. When people like things to be fixed as quickly as possible they try to turn it into a game where we have to guess what the problem is. Given that she emailed in her request, it seems her email isn't causing that much of a problem.

From: [Customer]
Sent: 21 May 2010 09:44
To: Service Desk
Subject:

My email is not working properly. Could someone come over and look at it

Thanks

[Customer]

All Staff (But Not You)

This call occurred shortly after the department was renamed from IT to Information Services.

Customer: I was just trying to email you but your email address has disappeared from the list.
Me: Don't worry, it's still there. It's in the same place in the global address list as before but it's called Information Service Desk instead now, it's not called IT any more.
Customer: You should really let people know that you've changed name, it really confused me.
Me: An email was sent out the other week to all staff to let people know that the department was changing name.
Customer: Well, nobody reads those emails!

The Cold Truth

This customer had called about something else but then asked questions about her own laptop at home which had stopped working...

Customer: My laptop has stopped working, the lights come on but nothing else happens. My husband said that someone told him that putting it in the freezer can make it work again, is that right?
Me: Uhh, I really wouldn't advise that you put it in the freezer. I think you may be better off going to a PC repair shop and letting someone look at it.